BURP
Clear the air. Know better. Care together.
My oldest daughter
told me to call it BURP 18 years ago.
I Should-Have-Known better, and listened.
The Great SKBC
A Should-Know-Better moment makes
you believe someone does not care.
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A partner forgetting an anniversary.
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A coworker talking over you at a meeting.
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A friend bailing on plans at the last minute.
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A neighbor not keeping up their yard.
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A sibling who gets away with everything.
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Others tell you to get over it when you can't.
The Moment becomes a Should-Know
Better Conflict, or an SKBC.
We fear being wrong, losing our shit or someone we care about. We let them because we can’t tell them without regret, blame or shame. We rehash what happened, rehearse imaginary conversations, and vent for validation to anyone who will listen. Sometimes for years. We act in ways that are as uncaring as the person who made us miserable.
Sound Familiar?
Eggshell
You walk around, pretending everything is OK, afraid a conversation could crack
your thin veneer.
Landmine
You bite your tongue until, BOOM, you go off like a landmine, leaving everyone around you in a million little pieces.
Magician
You make them vanish into thin air. A trick you use when you don't know how to call it good night.
Proof Of Care
The reason 8 billion of us are here.
When a baby has unmet needs, we respond with care. If we don't, they might die. Babies grow up expecting people to know better, and care because they do. Our job is to prove it.
Who Is BURP For?
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Someone who gets upset at someone and feels guilty as a result.
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Someone who gets upset by someone and feels unsure if they are overreacting.
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Someone who feels they should have known better, and can’t get over it.
Who Is BURP Not For?
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BURP is not a treatment for stuck trauma.
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BURP is not effective against abusive or manipulative dynamics.
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BURP addresses the need to relieve misery, not justify misery to control the narrative.
THERAPY IS HEALTH TREATMENT
Need Therapy?
There are many reasons adults require the support or treatment of a therapist, but thriving in life is not one of them. Therapists are there to support us during times of struggle, and help us develop the self-agency to overcome it. Therapy is a treatment to heal and live as nature intended.
For some, a BURP conversation was the doorway that led them to therapy. For others, it led them out of it. Without regret, blame or shame.
I am a big fan of talking in combination with EMDR and somatic modalities that relieve the body of stored emotion.
GET CARE
In crisis or in danger:
Call or text 988, or call 911.
Not sure where to start:
SAMHSA, 1-800-662-4357. Free, 24/7, English and Spanish.
Find a therapist:
EMDR · DBT · Schema · Psychodynamic
BURP Now!
The Research Behind BURP
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